


tender hearts, cruel minds

by aminami



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Horror, M/M, Mental Instability, P5R Spoilers, Rough Sex, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, be careful when reading i guess, glorified vent fic, tags might be added, tfw you cheat on your boyfriend with his weird cognitive double
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aminami/pseuds/aminami
Summary: Goro (6:04 AM):Good morning! Hope I didn’t wake you up, I just wanted to wish you a pleasant day. Are you still up for that bike ride after school?Akechi (6:06 AM):i won’t rest until i choke the last breath out of you
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 14
Kudos: 90





	1. dulce periculum

That morning Ren _sees_ his own reflection in the mirror. 

On his neck, there are two visible marks.

One is a hickey, left by Goro just the other day when they watched a movie together, and Goro made sure to be as distracting as it was humanly possible.

It's funny but out of the two sides of him he met, Ren might actually go insane because of Goro first. His perfect little smile, disgusting sweater vests that were likely made just to have someone rip them to shreds with their hypothetical knife, the fucking pants that look like they could be sold by the priest from Kanda specifically for good Christian boys, because nothing screams Jesus louder than the weird mix of 'I don't ever intend to get laid' and 'I'll make sure these pants hug my ass so tight you'll spend the mass vividly imagining fucking me in the confessional'—but hey, since when Ren is an expert on Christianity. From little he knows of it, he bought himself a first-class ticket downstairs anyway.

But it doesn't matter because—

he'llfuckgoroevenifhehastokillhimtostuckhisdickinandit'sfine

The other is a scar left by Akechi’s knife, where he held it pressed against his skin last night, holding Ren by the hair as he fucked into him in the empty laundromat.

His hand wanders involuntarily to his crotch, cupping himself through his loose sweatpants before returning to the scar on his neck. It’s a weird feeling—all his limbs feel like they’re filled with cotton, each movement pulled by an invisible string, dragging from somewhere inside his brain. He keeps pulling

and pulling

and pulling

and pulling

—–—–——he wants to keep pulling and rip his own brain through his ears and as another wave of nausea shakes his body he hopes that maybe this time he’ll puke out his own fucking mind he wants to see everything he is _everything_ that makes him so fucked up flushed in the toilet he wants it out out _out_ and if he tries hard enough surely he would find some painful way to reach the inside of his head and just take it out slowly and painfully it's just like eating ice cream with a spoon and instead of blowing his brains out he could just pull it out surely it’s not the weirdest thing to happen to him right if he can just figure out if he just _thinks_ so he can not think then maybe he can get rid of it all but if that doesn't work he can just shove a knife in his insides and choke himself with his own intestine surely goro and akechi can watch and then—–—–——

Ren takes the razor already lovingly prepared for him by his boyfriend—one of them anyway but he can’t remember which one—and adds a third cut, something he can finally call his own, but before he can dig in too deep, his phone buzzes unexpectedly. He drops the razor, pulling out his phone without actually looking at the screen. He waits for another message patiently. There’s no rush. They’re always two minutes apart, dictated by some otherwordly clock. 

The buzz of the second message always feels more forceful than the first one. Ren doesn’t know if he’s just imagining it or if it’s another weird thing about this already fucked-up excuse of reality, but maybe Maruki has better things to do than mess with Ren’s fucking phone, so he's probably just paranoid.

He forces himself to read the messages before dropping his phone into the sink. It's always pretty much the same texts, and yet some stubborn part of his brain, the same brain that still sits stubbornly under his skull, tells him to read them anyway. It's like putting on the same shackles every morning, growing tighter and tighter, digging into his skin deeper by day until someday, hopefully, they'll just break through his bones, and he can finally get some fucking rest.

They only make him realize that today is not the day. That maybe tomorrow will be the day. If not, there’s tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, a giant loop of worthless days still ahead of him.

Ren turns his attention back to the mirror. He managed to cut himself enough to bleed, but not enough to really hurt, and it's so shallow and pathetic, probably some not-so-profound metaphor for his life. And then there's the other one—Akechi really is a professional. The mark he left should be in its own fucking museum. Ren would gladly stand there for the rest of his life, just for others to admire Akechi's handiwork. 

Ren presses his hands against both marks, his body trembling with pleasure from the pain of it.

Somewhere in the sink, the phone buzzes again—so persistent, so cruel, always demanding every second of his time. 

_Ren, you have to live._

_We're not done playing with you yet._

* * *

**Goro (6:04 AM):** Good morning! Hope I didn’t wake you up, I just wanted to wish you a pleasant day. Are you still up for that bike ride after school?  
 ****

 **Akechi (6:06 AM):** i won’t rest until i choke the last breath out of you


	2. home

If there is one thing that Ren learned about big cities is that they’re incredibly dirty.

He doesn’t often miss his hometown, not really, but he fondly recalls the cold winters, the crispy air purifying his body with each breath on his way to school. Nothing about Tokyo is clean—not the air, not the snow, melting into the disgusting grey mess under his feet. But Maruki’s world is flawless—it’s perfectly clean, the snow falling from the sky like the softest cotton balls, barely cold where it hits Ren’s heated skin. And yet, Ren feels like the only one not partaking in the picturesque winter wonderland.

Every night for the past week he’s been following Goro Akechi—the one person in the whole world he never expected to get wrapped around Maruki's little finger.

Ren knows where Akechi’s previous apartment was, having stood outside for days after Akechi's death, hoping that he would emerge from the Metaverse at some point, looking defeated and pissed-off, but still very much alive. He couldn’t be dead. Ren refused to believe it. But he never shows up—not until January when everything went horribly wrong.

He doesn’t know what to think when he first spots Akechi outside the police station. Akechi makes no effort to contact him, he doesn’t answer his texts, and Ren can’t tell at this point if it’s deliberate or not. From observing him, it's easy to tell that Akechi keeps the same schedule. He shows up at work early, leaves more or less on time, and then goes straight home to an old-fashioned apartment complex not too far from Leblanc. Sometimes he pops into the local convenience store for groceries, but other than that, he never goes outside.

Ren doesn’t believe for a second that Akechi hasn’t spotted him—not when Ren made so little effort to hide his presence in the first place. He wonders if Akechi really just doesn't care about being followed or maybe it's all part of Maruki's scheme, and he really doesn't see Ren even if he comes close, unable to stop himself from looking at Akechi's rosy cheeks and his lips, somehow redder and more irresistible than he remembers them being.

Ren's seen Maruki once since he realized something was wrong. If it wasn’t for him, he wouldn’t even know Akechi is still alive.

_“What’s the catch?” Ren asks, clenching his fists._

_Maruki’s eyes grow impossibly wide as if the sheer implication of double-crossing Ren insulted him. “There is no catch.”_

_“A deadline then,” Ren continues stubbornly. “There’s always something, so just tell me what it is.”_

_“There’s no deadline,” Maruki says slowly. “Take as long as you need to take in this new world. I want you to carefully weigh your pros and cons before making the final decision.”_

_“You seem to be awfully confident that I’ll accept your terms.”_

_Maruki smiles, warm and friendly, like he’s physically incapable of sensing the venom behind Ren’s every word. “I just want you to take your time enjoying yourself. Visit your friends. See how they fare.”_

So Ren takes his time. He’s barely seen the others, too preoccupied with whatever’s been going on with Akechi. There’s something off about it all, something about Akechi's step that seems painfully unfamiliar. And then, after two weeks of following him, Ren realizes a very important detail.

Akechi doesn’t live alone.

He never expected to hear ‘I’m home’ to come out of Goro Akechi’s mouth. But it’s there. Every morning he can hear his chirp ‘I’m going out!,” and then ‘I’m home’ yelled impatiently from the doorstep like he can’t wait to see whoever’s inside.

Ren doesn’t know how to feel about it. Akechi’s taken every single second of his life, and the fact that he might be sharing it with someone else gnaws at him in the most disgusting way. At this point, he devotes every minute of his life to stalking Akechi. It’s one of the few perks of becoming a ghost in this perfect world—Ren is not perfect. In this world, he feels it more strongly than ever, like he’s the singular withered plant in Maruki’s garden. He forces himself to watch the same spectacle play out every single day, and then, he comes home to the already empty café, Sojiro not bothering to scold him for staying out till late. When he's alone, he tosses and turns under his covers, until he finally gives up, jerking himself off into sleep with Akechi's name on his lips, trying not to imagine Akechi fucking someone else in that filthy new apartment. 

Today Ren's taking more time than usual, observing the building from the dark alley. Normally, he leaves the moment Akechi slams the door shut after discovering that nothing more is going to happen until Akechi leaves for school or work the next morning, depending on the day. Ren spent an entire day once watching the neighborhood like a hawk, but whoever lives with Akechi, never came out. It doesn’t take him a long time to realize that he’s not _meant_ to find out. It's a private show, meant for his eyes alone, and he won't find out anything more until he decides to take action. 

The moment the thought becomes clear in his head, his phone buzzes in his pocket, and for a moment, Ren’s heart stops. No one texts him anymore, so it can only be— 

**XXX-XXX-XXX (7:38 PM):** Will you stop being stubborn and come in? I tire of this charade. You must be starving. 

Ren’s mouth goes dry—and that’s when it clicks. He knows exactly what he’ll find the moment he knocks on that door. He goes anyway, feeling a little older and more tired with every single step he takes. 

Maruki has to think it’s enough to buy Ren’s obedience. But he’s seen too many people come back to life at this point. It has to end even if he has to fight Maruki alone. Except he doesn't want to do this alone, and that's why he needs to convince Akechi to join him. That much was clear from the start, it's why he was stalking him, rather than spend time with his friends. He just never expected the task to be so difficult, and if he's right, Akechi won't join him no matter what Ren says or does. 

Akechi opens the door almost immediately with a smile plastered to his face. “Oh, Ren. You’re just in time. My mom made dinner. She thought you might stop by, so she made curry with you in mind, haha.”.

Of course she did.

Ren hesitates. A straightforward refusal might be a little rude, and the entire point is to convince Akechi to talk to him, not scare him off. He can’t mess it up, there’s no time, but if he walks in, it means Maruki already won. He stumbles over all the words he could possibly say. He just knows he can't go inside.

He doesn’t know why the idea of seeing Akechi’s mother out of all people, makes him shiver with dread, after seeing all the other parents come back to life. It shouldn’t be different, should it? And yet—

_You’re dead and so is your son. I’m here to take everything from you and drag you back to hell._

Akechi’s looking at him hopefully, head cocked slightly to the side, completely oblivious to how tempting he is, just by standing there in his ridiculous sweater vest. It would be so easy to get pulled right in—to enjoy the delicious dinner, take Akechi’s hand in his own, and kiss his knuckles while looking him in the eyes. Akechi’s mother would be so delighted to see his only son be treated with so much love. Everything Akechi wants, everything _Ren_ wants is just a step away. 

Ren opens his mouth. “Listen, we need to—”

“Ah, Amamiya-kun,” a familiar voice says. “Funny, we were just talking about you.”

Masayoshi Shido stands next to his son, looking happier than he’s ever been even at the peak of his power.

It’s too much.

He’s vaguely aware of Akechi calling out after him, as the buildings around him turn into a blur. He runs past the familiar alley, out of the neighborhood, and doesn’t stop until he’s completely unable to recognize his surroundings. He hears a faint step, creaking of the snow following close behind him.

Akechi's completely out of breath when he catches up with him. “Ren, please."

Ren can feel his throat tighten. “Akechi—”

“Who?”

Fuck. Of course, that wouldn’t be his last name, his last name would be—

“You’re not wearing a jacket,” Ren says finally. “You’re going to get sick.”

He sincerely doubts Maruki would let Akechi die of pneumonia out of all things, not after bringing him back to life, but he can’t help but be concerned anyway. Akechi—no, Goro— blushes faintly, wrapping his arms around himself. “So we’re talking now?”

Ren takes his scarf off to put it around Goro’s neck. He tries his best not to let his touch linger. “What do you mean?”

“Ren, I don’t get you,” Goro’s eyes grow impossibly wide. “You follow me around, you won’t come in, you run away without a word, and now you look at me like you don’t even recognize me. Why haven’t you kept in touch with me?”

“I texted you,” Ren says defensively. “To your old number, at least. Do you still have it?”

“What do you mean my old number?” Goro pulls at Ren’s scarf. More and more pieces of the puzzle fall into place, and Ren tightens his lips at the realization. “I’m sorry, perhaps, I should have messaged you earlier, but I’ve been so busy that it slipped my mind. But I swear, I never got a single message from you. I'd reply instantly, you know I would.”

Ren just watches him for a moment, and that’s when Maruki’s voice rings in his head. Something ominous he said right before they parted.

_“He might not be the person you remember. But I guarantee, he’s the one you’ve always wanted.”_

Ren takes a deep breath. “Goro, I don't have time right now, but could you meet me in Leblanc tomorrow?”

“I won’t let you go until I know you’re okay,” Goro shakes his head. "You look shaken, you shouldn't be wandering around alone."

“Goro, I promise I'll be fine,” Ren can’t stop himself anymore. He takes a step closer, running his hands down Goro’s arms—his warm, and alive, and Ren wants nothing more than to take him into his arms and let himself forget about everything he's seen. “I really need to go now. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, but for now, please, just go home before you get sick.”

Goro looks at him with the same resolve he’s seen so many times before. “Are you sure you’re going to be alright on your own? You don’t need my help?”

“Just go home to your parents,” Ren says dryly. “They must be worried about you.”

Goro’s hand tightens where it’s gripping Ren’s scarf. He can see the urge to fight back in his eyes, but this Goro was never meant to antagonize him. He'll let him go. “I’ll come to Leblanc when I’m done with work.”

“Great.”

He turns around to leave, but Goro stops him again. He pulls at Ren’s jacket to keep him pinned in place just for a moment. 

“I missed you,” he says quietly. “I forgot how cold Tokyo gets without you.”

* * *

Ren barely remembers getting to Odaiba. 

To his surprise, Maruki is waiting for him outside the Palace, his winter coat just as white as the outfit Ren’s seen when Maruki turned out to be the Palace’s ruler. Well, this time there won’t be any Shadows separating them. Sumire, Kasumi, or whoever she thinks she is now, might have been lulled back into this freak show, but Ren won’t back down. It’s like that lost part of Akechi that demands revenge lives vicariously through Ren now—he’s the only one who can avenge him, he’s the only one to remember what Akechi was _really_ like.

Ren has no doubt in his mind. He’ll kill Maruki with his bare hands if he has to. 

“Did I overdo it?” Maruki asks with an innocent smile when Ren approaches him.

“A little,” Ren replies coldly. A part of him wishes he carried a gun around the way Akechi used to back in the day.

Maruki looks a little saddened by his discovery. “I thought you’d be happy to know he’s loved.”

"It's not what he would have wanted," Ren shakes his head. "Not for this price. Besides, he was already loved.”

“By you?” Maruki turns around to look at him, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “If you really loved him, wouldn’t you want him to return as he was?"

It sings more than it should.

"You’re forgetting that I’ve seen the inside of your heart," Maruki points out politely. "You’re the reason he’s like this.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Ren says slowly, almost smiling as his heart speeds up at the thought. “Even if it destroys me. I never asked for this, I—”

“I’m afraid I won’t let you fight me,” Maruki smiles sadly. “You’re alone. You’re weak. You're barely keeping it together. I worked too hard to let you die like this.”

Ren tries to grab him, but Maruki slips through his grasp like a ghost as if to prove his point. “I already removed the Metaverse app from your phone. You can still call me, and I promise I’ll answer no matter what. But for the time being, please get to know this new Goro, and forget about me, forget about this place. You’re breaking his heart being so distant.”

“Stop using him against me!”

“I never meant to do so,” Maruki defends. “It’s all your doing. I just helped you get what you always wanted.”

“The real Akechi isn’t like this,” Ren insists. “He’s vicious, he’s cold, he’s _fucking smart_ , he would never forgive me, and he would _never_ accept this reality.”

“Is that what you really want? For him to be like this?”

Ren snaps his mouth shut.

Is this what he wanted deep down? What if Maruki's right and it's all his fault? Maybe some sick part of him wanted these both sides of Akechi for his own selfish gain?

“I do apologize for causing you so much distress,” Maruki continues. “Starting tomorrow, Goro will live with his mother alone. Would that make it better?”

“Is that it?” Ren laughs hollowly. “So what’s going to happen? You’re going to kill Shido off? Put him back behind bars?”

“I’ll just make him go away.”

Ren turns around, unable to look at Maruki without picturing blood staining his pristine coat. “I shouldn’t have come here. I should have known you’d only make things worse.”

“Amamiya-kun,” Maruki calls out after him. “One last warning—Goro doesn’t know about the Metaverse. His memories of you have altered accordingly, but it would be wise not to mention this world to him. His _new_ consciousness is still very fragile and developing, you see.”

Ren doesn’t stop. “You make me sick.”

“I’ll wait for your phone call!”

* * *

The door to Leblanc is closed when he gets home. Ren checks his pockets for the keys and finds that they're not there. He swears under his breath, checking his bag, then his pockets again, but he comes up with nothing. He wonders if this day can possibly get any worse—maybe he just lost the keys, or maybe fate decided to pull the ultimate prank and have the leader of the Phantom Thief become a victim of a petty pickpocketer. 

Ren shrugs off his jacket, making sure his hand is covered before smashing the glass and reaching to unlock the door from the inside, carefully minding the sharp edges. Some part of him wants to feel bad about it, but he can probably just tell Sojiro whatever. It's not like anyone cares about anything going on in this reality.

He realizes something is _really_ wrong the moment he starts climbing the stairs, and he finds a small feather on one of the steps. 

When he enters the attic, he finds more feathers scattered around the entire room. He slowly takes a look around, too shocked to fully acknowledge what happened. The entire place has been ransacked, his pillow cut through with a knife, the mattress flipped—it's like whoever broke in was looking for something specific, and then left in a hurry. Except, his instincts tell him, it's too deliberate. All of it looks like a stage, rather than a crime scene, and Ren is able to tell as much. His mind is sharper than it's ever been, and he quickly realizes that nothing's been taken, and nothing was ever meant to be taken. No, Ren has no doubt in his mind—whoever came here, they just meant to scare him. As the final proof, he finds a knife— similar to the one he's been using in the Metaverse—embedded in the desk.

Ren's phone buzzes, pulling him out of his thoughts.

The first message comes from the same unknown number as before. After a moment of careful deliberation, Ren decides to save the contact simply as Goro. Who knows what his last name even is at this point.

 **Goro (10:45 PM):** Did you get home okay? Please, just answer yes or no. I'm still worried.

He's about to reply with a simple 'yes' when his phone vibrates again. The second message that night comes from Akechi's old number.

 **Akechi (10:47 PM):** unlike you, i'm good at following people. try harder next time, it's hardly fun to pickpocket you, joker

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/akihmorn)


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